I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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