Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
