She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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