i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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