I think I won the penis lottery.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
