dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
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final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
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YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize