why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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