I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
