I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
