Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
