Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
