At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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