i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
