Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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