Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
