Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
