'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
zippers are such a cool invention
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
