i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
