He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
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i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
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He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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