Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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