I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
