What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
