Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
