I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
