i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
