i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
