did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
