Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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