I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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