I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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