Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
