Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
