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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  I'll just stay a virgin forever then

  (1-856): View more from New Jersey

  You still have to go anyway

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around

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• (281): View more from Texas

  I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.

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• (818): View more from California

  well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed

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• (518): View more from New York

  You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.

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• (914): View more from New York

  They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.

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• 

  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Whore are you.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Yes.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.

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• (386): View more from Florida

  Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.

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