maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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