Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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