awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.