Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.