I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
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As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.