yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Found the puke drawer
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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