Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
