I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
