So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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