Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
