you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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