This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
