i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
