i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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