There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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