OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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