We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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