my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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