i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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