I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize