I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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