Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
