Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
