Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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