Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My penis needs a shock collar
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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