I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
