i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
