Will you blow on my dice?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
