idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
