This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
