Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
