we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
