WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
