Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
