i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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