Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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