Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i will never coherently bang her
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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