i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
