dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
