I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
