I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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