Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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