What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
