but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
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I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
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Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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