my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
